“Love is always patient and kind; it is never jealous, love is never boastful or conceited; it is never rude or selfish; it does not take offense, and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people’s sins but delights in the truth; it is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes. Love does not come to an end.”
~ The Bible
I just quoted the Bible, but I feel like it is the perfect quote for my thoughts today. I know it's been quite some time since I last posted but I really needed to write. Please bear with me as I attempt to get my thoughts written down.
I love someone, with all of my heart. I have loved him for a very long time now, but only recently have we talked about it seriously. I know he loves me as well, and most of the time we have amazing conversations. He is amazing and is by far the best person I have ever met. He surpasses me in all things and is always there for me, whenever I need him. He doesn't judge me, he hardly ever gets mad at me, and even when I know he is upset with me he'll pretend he isn't just to keep the peace.
I, on the other hand, want no secrets or secret feelings that could threaten the happiness. In my head, there is a solution to every problem between us. And to be honest, most of the time there is. And usually the solution is for me to stop making stupid mistakes. For example, I try so hard to prove to him that he is the only one I want to talk to and I've been trying to convince him that he means the absolute world to me. And then we finally have the opportunity to talk for a long period of time, and the minute we sit down, I ask him if I can step out for a few minutes. I know, I know, you may hate me as well now. There are many thoughts about myself racing through my head as I read that confession and none of them are good. What was I thinking? And in truth, the only answer I have is that I wasn't thinking. I could give you a few good reasons as to why I did that but the truth is that it shouldn't matter. I screwed up. It's your actions that matter, not your words, and my actions completely negated anything that I had said.
You may think it's not a big deal, but for me, that was a huge insult to give him. He has every right to be angry with me and I'm glad he was. I deserved it. But rather than refusing to talk to me or punishing me somehow, he kept talking to me. Even as I told him how I felt like a horrible person and I would understand if he begrudged me a little bit, he kept talking. He was comforting me, for heaven's sake.
I find that this one example just shows how good of a person he is. I have a tremendous tendency to ruin things, entirely by accident, but he always proves to me just how good he is. He won't let me ruin things permanently, and that is one of the many reasons why I love him. When it comes to how he loves me, he embodies everything that the above quote says. I feel the exact same way, I just need the opportunities to prove it. But alas, he never makes the kinds of mistakes that I do. I am absolutely blessed to have him.
So if you're reading this, know that I am incredibly sorry. You have no idea how sorry I am. I want you to know that I love you with all of my heart, forever and always. I love everything about you and I hope that I never do something like that again. It is a mistake that ruined my credibility and I'll work doubly hard to prove to you that you are everything to me. Thank you for being you and for sticking with me, even through my stupid mistakes. I love you.
- Lo
