something keeps me holding on to nothing.

I think that in this life, there is always that one person you will always have some kind of feelings for.  You may not remain close to that person or maybe you end up being best friends or maybe your relationship actually works out and you're together forever.  But no matter what happens in the end, you'll always have feelings for them.  It might be your first love and it might not be.  Lord knows that for me it certainly isn't my first "love".  And maybe they might not always be romantic feelings.  You might just want to be involved in their life somehow, just keeping in touch and through whatever small relationship you might have now you get to remember what it was like when it was more than that.

These feelings don't go away.  It could be years later, like it is now, and you still find yourself wondering what it would be like to fall for them again.  Or what it would be like to tell them that you never got over them.  Maybe you did get over those feelings and you enjoy a very wholesome friendship.  But deep down you keep wondering 'what if?' or 'remember when...'

I'm not perfect.  I've made plenty of mistakes in my life and I've had problems learning when to keep my thoughts to myself rather than tell those certain people I tell things to.  But I know this very well and I believe it.  I believe in that one person because I know those feelings keep popping up for me.  I know that because of all the Facebook statuses those teenage girls write that really aren't all that deceptive.  Take note: song lyrics are the most obvious form of expressing your true feelings without actually stating them. I especially believe that you start missing that person when you feel especially vulnerable or lonely or weak.  That's when you want the good parts of your past the most. 

I feel enlightened by this epiphany of mine and I think I've learned to handle these times.  If I could give anyone advice, I'd say to avoid making really hasty decisions while you're emotional because those are the ones you'll regret the most.  Try and make your important decisions with a level head; it'll turn out better for you in the end.  And don't worry so much about that one person.  They'll still be in your life if they're supposed to be there.

- Lo