"If you're gonna screw up, do it while you're young. Older you get, the harder it is to bounce back."
~ Winston Groom
One thing I've noticed living on my own; on nights where you are completely by yourself and have no one to talk to, that's when all the things you try to avoid thinking about come back to haunt you. This seems to be one of those nights. I've been trying to solve my inner demons and just live life the way I want to, but that is definitely easier said than done.
I'm an unusual kind of person. For the majority of my life, I've strived to be different and yet still fit in. And I've kind of managed. For the most part, I am your average college kid. But I have secrets that make me so much more different than the average person. The biggest is that I'm involved with someone about 3000km away. Sounds like a big number, but that's only about 30 hours.. a day and a half driving approximately. I've known him for years and he's my best friend above all else. I would do anything for that guy, as he's done so much for me in the past and even now in the present. He's the biggest part of my life.
Which leads to secret number 2, which I can't seem to get out of my head. I'm going to visit him. On spring break, I'm packing up for a week and flying out there. A visit would settle so many things. I've been saving my money this year and I can afford it and I have the time. These are two things I probably won't have in the next couple years. I have a practical, realistic plan and all I need to do is put it in motion. Of course, there's always a problem. And for me, the problem is my parents. They don't know about him, and that's for no other reason than because while I was in high school they were very strict over those kinds of things. I've started to tell them about him though and so far it hasn't caused any trouble. But the second problem with them is that in my experience, they find any plan of mine far-fetched and they will not stand for it. The thing is, I'm legally an adult now, I'm paying for it myself, and I'm only going for a week. It's a much smaller plan than what I've proposed in the past. I know I don't actually need their permission, but it would make my future relationship with them much better if they could just accept that I'm going to live my life the way I want to. They've instilled in me the proper morals, now I would like them to loosen up for once and let me try things. Let me make mistakes now, if you think it is one. It's a good starter trip, considering I plan on travelling the world. There are a lot of things I wish I could tell them about this but in the interest of continuing to sound responsible, I'll stick to the plan.
That's the only thing I want from them. I'm learning to handle things on my own, now I just want them to let me try a big decision. For me. Because life is too short to sit around and just play by everyone else's rules. I don't want to regret not going in the future. Which is a guarantee if I don't go. It's hard sometimes, to do things because you want to and also to please other people. I think that this time, one of these is going to have to go. And I know which it is.
- Lo
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