we've got bills to pay, we've got nothing figured out.

Once upon a time, there was a girl who loved her family and friends very much.  Deep down, she knew that she would do anything for them, anything at all.  She would give up her own goals if it meant that they would be happy and that they would love her in return.  She was very serious about that.  She wanted to be loved back by those she loved more than anything in the entire world.

She was also an avid reader and a collector of histories.  She kept all the conversation she had with people and she would read them months later, laughing at how naive she had been and glad that at least she had grown up some from those days.  She often realized how lucky she was to have people love her after the way she behaved sometimes.  She tried to learn from the mistakes she saw in her old self and hoped beyond hope that she was different than what she had been.

She knew it must be difficult for her family to love her.  She didn't have to hide anything from them and her personality was very outgoing at home.  She wasn't afraid to shoot back quick remarks because she knew that they would forgive her every time; because that's what families do. 

But it was when she was with her friends that she worried.  She worried about every word she said and how it might be taken.  She worried that she was being too outgoing, or too shy, or talking to much, or not enough.  Did she show enough emotion?  Did she listen enough?  She was constantly second-guessing herself and wanted to keep their friendship more than anything.  She never felt like she was worthy of their approval.  They were much better people than she was.  She had gone through time where she was very stubborn and didn't listen when people tried to help her.  She shot off her own quick remarks and sometimes that could have come off disastrous.  She thought she knew the world, but looking back, she realized she barely knew anything at all.

She tried to make up for it, but she wondered if she ever could.  The worst was when someone would say that she hadn't even been a bad person.  Maybe she hadn't been a bad person to them, but to her she had failed herself.  Her only goal in life was to help people.  That was was she thought she was good at.  But if she couldn't do that properly, then what chance did she have at achieving anything or keeping those she loved close to her?

- Lo