Once upon a time, there was another girl. She was smart, pretty, outgoing; basically she had all the features you would expect in your all-American type small town girl. She had a lot going for her. But she had her heart broken and was scrambling to find her way back to what she considered normal. I won't say I knew a lot about her life, because I only knew what I saw and what she told me. And I had been gone for a long time.
I learned a lot from her though about the complexities of small town life. I was still your average small town girl, but I was trying my hand out in the city. Bigger, slightly more people; I was trying to escape the problems she proved to me that there were. Let me put it simply. In a small town, everyone knows everyone else. When there's a little over 300 kids in your high school, it's very hard to hide anything from anyone. Rumours, truths, any gossip going around is known by everyone. Even the teachers start to give you advice for your problems. At the time when I reconnected with old friends, I had been missing the small town atmosphere because it was more personal, but when she would tell me all these stories, I realized then that getting out had been the best thing I could have done at the time.
But what bothered me was an attitude. It was that attitude that screams "I-can-get-anyone-I-want". Now, I don't usually care one way or the other how confident someone is in their ability to get other people, but when you actually start to consider breaking people up because you want a guy, then I have a problem with that. But once again, that's kind of part of our small town life. That's just how it goes. If you can't hang on to the one you're into, then maybe you weren't supposed to be together. That's the mindset. I'm well-versed in this, and I've more than my fair share of being on the losing end of things.
Well my friend with her broken heart was trying to heal herself, and inevitably she entered the rebound stage. I was trying to help her and I can admit that we had some pretty awkward moments. At one point we were both interested in the same person. I probably shouldn't have been taken in by his charm, but even the best of us fall off the wagon sometimes. But again, inevitably, her 'I can get anyone' attitude bested me. Then that wasn't good enough and she moved on. This story in itself would take a while to tell and it still isn't over, but for now all you have to know is that she got over this rebound. Then we went to a school game and I listened the whole time as she basically scouted who she thought she might like to have a relationship with at some point.
The thought that struck me was how confident she was. She believed that she actually could end up with anyone just because she wanted it. She didn't even consider what their plans or feelings might be. It was as if everyone would just give her what she wanted. And the really sad thing is, that's probably what'll happen. I don't know why that is, but I know that I could never have the kind of certainty that she did. It honestly shocked me. I realized then that we were not on the same page like we were when we were kids. It was also then that I realized that I was glad I got out that small place, even if I miss some people every single day and there are days that I wish I knew everyone in my school personally.
I hope she gets what she wants. And I really hope that whatever ends up happening makes her happy. Because sometimes, having that confidence is what helps people get through their day.
- Lo
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