if you wanna rock, i'm ready to roll.

Don't think. Thinking is the enemy of creativity. It's self-conscious, and anything self-conscious is lousy. You can't try to do things. You simply must do things.

~ Ray Bradbury

Hello.  Today is one of those days where I'm right on the brink of giving up on things that I have been trying to attain.  It's the kind of day that follows a week of feeling utterly useless and pathetic.  In the past week, I've felt like there's not possible way anyone could like me and that I'm a real idiot for thinking otherwise.  The week prior, I was on cloud nine.  So I'm not really sure why there was such a drastic change in my mood, all I know is that I was concerned that someone didn't really like me anymore, which is a rather ludicrous thought now that I think about it.  Today, I'm getting over the silly self-conscious mood.

I'm also deciding to stop waiting for the "right time" for things, and to just do them.  I know that my being extremely shy doesn't help my case at all, but I just need to work past that and I'd be okay.  I also need to get over being afraid of bothering people and being afraid that I might be that annoying person that no one likes.  I already know that none of it is true and it's just my perspective and low self-esteem, but still.  On some days, it's hard to not think of stuff like that.

Overall, I don't think I'm very good at expressing my feelings or thoughts.  I have a feeling that when I try, it just doesn't make sense.  I guess it's because I don't like divulging my inner thoughts and I'm terrified of what people think of me.

Just reading this post again makes me realize how much being shy and not talking has prevented me from some pretty good things.  You would think that I would learn by now to open my mouth and not let opportunities and people pass me by.  I'm sorry that I missed such opportunities.  But I still have time left, so it's time to stop procrastinating, time to stop being afraid, time to man up and just do what I want to do and feel is right to do.  If it's a mistake, well then it's a lesson learned.  I think as a whole, society is too afraid to make mistakes and I am the biggest example of that.  I hate making a mistake, but I think I ought to accept that it's going to happen.  It just is.  It's time to live and not think so much.  Just stop over-thinking, Lauren.

- Lo