But when a young lady is to be a heroine, the perverseness of forty surrounding families cannot prevent her. Something must and will happen to throw a hero in her way.
~ Jane Austen
I think this quote was rather appropriate today. I stayed up pretty late last night so today I'm tired, which in the long run equates to a lot of pointless thinking and worrying. Today's thoughts revolve around the risks I take, the ones I wish I took, and the scary thought of jumping out of my comfort zone.
From today's quote, the idea that "something must and will happen to throw a hero in her way"; I think I agree with that. I know that whenever it seems like I've gotten on my feet and am finally okay with life and not looking for anything, then something walks in my life and throws it all off-balance again. It's a tiring cycle of chasing. I screw up often, and usually things never work out, but I never stop. I learn a new lesson each time, which makes every failure worth it.
I've once again found myself with a "hero" thrown in my way. This time around, I've been trying to do everything the "right" way. But I've been sticking to my comfort zone, and making sure that I don't do anything out of order. It's good, but boring and worrisome. Lately, I've been wondering if I'm not going about it all the wrong way. I really want to take a risk, but obviously it's a scary thought. In this case, the "heroine" isn't so heroic. She'd rather sit in the background than take action. She'd rather be right, she'd rather not make a mistake. She'd rather no one find out. But deep down...she wants to have a storybook tale and take a risk and see if it works.
I want to see where it takes me. I don't want to wait or time things out perfectly. While on the one hand, I am notorious for over-thinking, I also don't think long enough in some situations. I'm so impatient and imperfect and sometimes I can be reckless.
I want to be the heroine again, not the damsel in distress.
- Lo
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